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After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.Then I remembered – the local cafe serve breakfast until 11.30."Jesus Loves You."Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.Got caught having a piss in the local swimming pool today.The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a Muslim sneaking through next door's garden.Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.Astonished, I got back into bed.My wife said "Darling, you're shaking,. She pulled on her school tunic and ran across the road, and went into her house. Upstairs, she looked into the corner of her bedroom where she and Gordon both knew his camera was mounted, and wondered if this and the one in her toilet were in fact the only ones in the house. Suddenly she had a thought, and she found a candle and went downstairs to the kitchen with just the candle for illumination. No longer feeling compelled to obey him, she didn't bother to undress. She put the candle on the kitchen table, and looked around in the darkness. Gordon's camera might be able to tell she was in there but she was sure it would see nothing of what she was doing.She walked around the room, inspecting every small reflection of the candle's dim light, and sure enough she soon located a glint from the lens of his hidden camera. She hoped that Gordon, Mr Bennett, hadn't been able to see what she was doing in the dark, because she was not yet sure she wanted to confront him with his appalling.
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